How has your relationship changed after you have kids?
I know, we love our kids to death. These kids are life changing, and we just somehow forget what’s it like and how we used to be without them.
I may seem like a busy mom nowadays. Tia has just started school, and she has school 7 days a week because we enrolled her in an extracurricular activity in school which happens on a weekend. We moved Riz to a school near his sister as well, and has been a true 4 year old – It has been challenging handling him because he has such a determined little mind.
I truly miss dates just the two of us, even though all we would talk about is the kids.
Just talking without interruption from the kids, because it’s always interrupted by “look daddy”, “look mommy” every 3 minutes- my kids are the talkative kinds.
Holding hands – because we don’t do it anymore. Not hardly, not ever.
The surprise bouquets to commemorate a date, without me hinting or expecting it.
My husband works a lot. The kids only sees him 2 nights on a weekday. he works til late night 3 nights in a week. He used to work in the weekends too for the longest time, and having been in a long distance relationship before we got married, it seems like I’m always waiting for him. I waited for 5 years for him to come home, while my friends dated and changed boyfriends. this was probably one less worry for my parents:) And then housemanship starts, and he worked all around the clock.And then comes all those blood donations, being hardly at home. I stopped working because I used to think it’s only proper for 1 parent to stay with the kids while the other is unpresent. I overthink a lot, and so I am always on the go to find a distraction since he left to study overseas. Most of the time it was dance jobs, and then kids classes. I don’t mind sending Tia to school in the weekends to keep me occupied.
But there will always be a big gap in life, because kids – they’re responsibilities. They are a gift and gives a big chunk of happiness in our lives, but lets face the fact..they will leave the nest someday. Your partner is the one stuck with you whether you like it or not til death do you part.
I have known my husband for 16 years, yesterday. And for the first time I didn’t wake up to a kiss and a “Happy Anniversary Sayang” and off to a special dinner or lunch to commemorate the day. I waited til the end of the day – I did not want to remind him because it’s almost two decades. If anything, this should be a tradition to us, right? well apparently not. There he is, now sleeping next to me and it’s already the morning after.
I have to admit I was upset, and still upset. We did not celebrate our wedding anniversary, he ignored valentines, and this date we celebrated since the beginning of courtship is not acknowledged. Well, for the sake of us, perhaps I should start the gesture. But then again in my defense..I probably shouldn’t. Being patient while being ignorant with the character guys per se, or husband is more than a million gestures. So like, you’re lucky i’m still here waiting loyally.
I don’t mean to sound like a Taylor Swift by writing this…but if we stop celebrating us at 16 years, what about 50 years together? If we stop showing love, what are we going to do when the kids move out, because then we’ll be stuck just you and me and I can’t stand you, you know what I mean?
I know for sure we play a big role in being examples for our kids – I need to show my daughter what being strong and independent is about. My son needs to know how to treat a lady right, and I can’t show him that example.
Not all marriages are perfect. Ours is no different from everyone else. I am here to be as real as possible. We may be good parents who display love to our kids pretty well (regardless of how annoying they may be after long hours of self child caring), but have we been showing them good examples in how to treat that someone you love? It’s an essential in life. Be it their future partners, or to family around them, to friends.
Have you heard of the quote”A man who treats his woman as a princess is proof that he’s been raised by a queen?” well why put it on a woman’s shoulder if you’re not a single mom? what can a woman show a boy on how to treat other women? So yeah, just something to ponder. I have a boy to raise, and if it’s up to me, I’m probably not going to approve a girlfriend until I know he’ll treat her right! lol
I’m sorry for the rant. I can’t deny the blessings given in my life…I am ever so thankful for that. but all I’m saying is it’s just necessary not to forget that person you start your family with, it’ still a long journey for us, as well as many young other young parents. We have been in a relationship for 16 years, but only married half the time. There is still room for improvements and weakening the ego. I wish the best for all of you out there too, because I know every one of us have different problems. Til next happier post!