If I complain too much about how uncomfortable I am.
If I come home from work and beach-whale myself on the bed for the rest of the evening.
If I could not find the energy to feed tia her dinner and bathe her when i come home from work.
If I drive slow on the road and hesitate on changing lanes.
If I walk slow, and waddle like a duck because my back hurts so much.
If I monopoly all the pillows at night in hopes that i could get some support for my bodyaches.
If I have been spending excessively just because life is just so hard nowadays and i deserve it.
If I just stared at Tia fake crying her way to get what she wants instead of consoling her.
If I feel tempted to cry like my 2 year old everytime she said “No!” upon being sent to her grandparents room before I leave for work.
If I feel that husband doesnt love me the way he did anymore.
If I could not punch my card on time because I need some time to get out of the car.
If I haven’t been a good friend, or if I back out of a friendship.
If I ever snap at any of you.
I’m sorry for all of the above. Because this pregnancy is putting on a strain on most of my emotions. I realize I have been mean, a bitch, a useless wife and a useless mom.
I’m 34 weeks pregnant today, and everyday wishing for this baby to want to come out as soon as he’s term. that will be 3 weeks from now. tak kesahla normal ke csect ke. even though kain bedung and mittens belum beli lagi.
I’m not going to say that being pregnant sucks, because I’m help God create a wonderful human being. a whole human being. just like Tia. I still look at her and her amazing details like her fingers and her eyes and nose and think….these were really formed inside me..wow.
However, on most days and today as well..I do feel like crawling into a corner to weep and weep til i have no more tears. if only my eyes wont get puffy and red after each crying session and i could cry just whenever i want.
Ok stop sighing, enjoy life lah cuz u’ll never know what’s in for you this delivery. til then, cheers.